[I'm BACCCKK!]

Yay! My favorite blogger left me a comment on my last post lol. But she STILL doesn't have a way for me to comment... so I shall just leave her a comment on my blog lol.

I LOVE YOUR BANNER! I am sooo excited for New Moon! Hey, this is random, but have you ever heard of Degrassi?

[ItZ bEEn AwHiLe...]

Hey hey hey. It's been forever since I was on here. It's odd that I spent soo much time making this blog and gave it up..

No one I know is on here anymore, so there's no point in typing. If you read this comment and I might come back. If not.. so long, blogspot.

[Just a quickie..]

Silvia, you need to allow me access to your blog or I can't comment you!! =(

And hi Edna *hug*

{HaTeRs}

I love that I’m never on here anymore, yet I have haters…

Yay. I’m an emo cunt now. It’s pretty funny though because I wear a bracelet everyday that says CUNT.
Not much of a diss you amazing person who keeps hating on me. Try again. Try really hard this time.

[OMG. I'm BlOggInG!!]

Who's missed me?? Raise your hand....

*looks around*

Yeah.. that's what I thought ^_____^

So much has happened... but it's all things that I don't have time to type about... I'll summarize...

Boys suck but I decided I don't want to date a girl. I made out with Jeremy and it was a mistake and now he has a girlfriend. I'm kinda dating someone now and he's 19 but I don't really know how I feel and we go on dates but we're not officially together... only because I say so. My ex's friend met me online and now we're really close and I really like him. I met Metro Station and Cash Cash and got a guitar pick from Jack of All Time Low...

yeah ^___^ Comment me and tell me you miss me.

[Ho HuMMmm..]

So I got my wisdom teeth removed yesterday. It was totally EPIC. I had this awesome dream that I was at a rave and this cute rave boy *i'm pretty sure it was Jeremy* was hugging me until it hurt and I was like "ouch.. you're hurting me.. but you're so cuuute..." and then I woke up and realized that it was my mouth that was hurting and the room was spinning. Hum. I really was hoping it wasn't a dream..

Speaking of him, I got to see him last weekend. It was so amazing. I only saw him for like, 2 hours though. But we kissed in the rain ^____^ then made out in the back seat of Ian's car... but he can't chose who he wants to be with T___T It's so depressing because.. this is ridiculous.. but I think I'm IN LOVE.. with him. Gah. How fucked up..

And this really cute girl at my school likes me and wants to date me. I'm actually thinking about it. I like her alot.. but I feel bad because I went on a date on Friday and the guy kissed me and bought me stuff... but I like Jeremy the most, and Katie is a close second..

Gah. Love is fucked up..

BUT I got my ticket to see All Time Low and Cobra Starship!! SO I'm stoked. And i'm gonna try to see The Used in May, too!! ^___^

How are you guys??

[I'm BaCCCCkkkk!!]

Hey hey! I'm back ^____^

So I haven't been on in awhile... here's my update..

1.My ex played me. He started dating someone else... but then they broke up... but I don't wanna be with him. Forget him.

2. I talk to Chris [Harvey] and Kyle from the show alot now! And I'm hanging out with Kyle this weekend most likely

3. School is.. well, school.

4. I've been kinda down lately T____T I'm just stressed out..

I really don't know what to type about.. I might get to see Cobra Starship in concert in May and I'm so excited!! But don't let my facade fool you. I'm actually not doing so great... but that's another story..

[I'm An OfFiCiAl CrUnK kId!!!!]

OMG so lastnight I saw Hollywood Undead, Senses Fail, Brokencyde, and Haste the Day in concert and it. was. AMAZING!!!

I even got to meet 2 members of Brokencyde and got my picture taken with them ^____^ And they signed my ticket. I'm so stoked!! And I met some really cool guys. But it was really weird because this guy started hitting on me and I'm totally not used to it, but he got my number and just called me... but he's 22 [I'm 17] and he lives like, two hours away. Hahaa. But he was dressed up as Johnny Scene *you probably have no clue what I'm talking about* and he got my attention because he was dancing crazy and I smiled at him so he motioned me over and kissed my head and hugged me and the first thing he said to me was "Dang, baby girl, you're FIIIIIINE!!" LMAO!!!! But he's totally hot. And he's really nice <3>

My ex and his girlfriend broke up and he wants to go out with me again O_____o but I don't think that would be a good decision for me.. I don't know yet..

So my life is pretty good right now ^____^ How are you guys??

[ GuEss WhAt?? I'm OnLiNe!! ]

Yay I'm online!! ^______^

Anyways, today was.. odd. My parents got into a fight so I took off and went to this place where I live and was just sorta chillin and making old people look at me funny lol. Then my mom came and got me and we went to the park and we just walked around and I took pictures. It was actually quite fun. But now my dad is missing *we got home and there was a note that said "you got what you wished for T_____T* and my sister is at her friend's house.. so blah =P

So my ex emailed me and wants to be friends.. not the ex who's on here but the other one. And I don't know how to react. I don't think we can be friends. He hurt me too bad..

I didn't have school today ^___^ I'm pretty happy. And now I'm just sitting here eating soup. Well, life is boring and I have nothing else to type. Later!

Oh, and I can officially open my mouth. There was a large like.. puss sack around my tooth *totally gross* and I popped it and it feels better. Bleh I know =P

[ LaSt PoSt FrOm ScHooL!! ]

So this will be my last post from school... then I won't be on everyday anymore T____T
It really sucks. I've become addicted to this site. And now I have to give up blogging everyday. But you guys will be fine without me. Just comment me whenever you think of me and when I get back on I'll reply to them all lol.

So Ryan hasn't called me in days and well.. I'm kinda glad. He's just.. odd. And I don't want to deal with him anymore.. But, because of exams, my lunch is the same as my ex's, and he always stares at me. I swear I'm gonna spork his eyes out. And then the other day I went into Matt's class to talk to him and my ex is like, "hey, Brandy" and I so wanted to turn around and be like, "since when are you allowed to speak to me??"

You see, things are messed up with him. As you might know from past posts, my ex wanted me back right before Christmas break. Then he started dating someone else. SO I'm totally bitter, but I have the right to be. And they're always together, holding onto eachother and making me want too gag. I dated him for over 2 years and let's just say he made me impure lol!! So I have a connection that isn't broken yet to him. I'm so sick of thinking of him and seeing his stupid face and crying because I can't have him. It's RIDICULOUS. And I need to get over it. She won. I lost. And well.. who even cares. He's not even a catch. I can do so much better.

Wow. That was waaay bitchy.

So I wrote a poem yesterday. Here it is...

The things I could never tell you

Are all locked inside my head

They're sure to remain inside

Even when I am dead.

The things I could never tell you

They tore us apart

And I sat idley by

As I ripped out your heart.

The things I could never tell you

They keep me up at night

The warm wetness soaks my cheeks

Even with lids locked tight.

The things I could never tell you

Always involved pain

I felt like by hurting myself

I pushed away your reign.

The things I could never tell you I still have blocked away

Pushing back those memories

To live another day.

The things I could never tell you

Made me walk alone

And pour my lust onto a knife

And shake me to the bone.

The things I could never tell you

Now I have to say

I know I'm still in love with you

But this is my last day.

What do you think? I should make a blog with all my poems. I write so many of them, yet hardly post them. Maybe I'll do that..

Well, this is farewell until next time. I love you guys so much. You're like family to me. My little sisters haha. Be safe and I promise I'll still be on here. Love you so so much!! <3

[ BC13 MoThEr FxCkErS!!! ]

Sorry Hairball. I didn't get your comment in time =(

OMG. Like.. OMG.

Matt *who makes snow angels for me* cut and dyed his hair and. it. looks. AMAZING!! I'll have to post a pic later. I almost died. Seriously. He was already cute.. now it's insane hahaha

Exams today and tomorrow... then this class is done.. and I won't be online everyday anymore :( I'm so sorry you guys. I'll try my hardest to get on as much as possible.

I really have nothing to type. Oh, my mouth hurts. That's something. I have to go to the dentist on Tuesday because my jaw is locking up and my mouth hurts :(

OMG OMG OMG!! I GOT TICKETS TO SEE HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD, BROKENCYDE, SENSES FAIL, AND HASTE THE DAY!!! For realz, I didn't think I was going but Kristin, my friend, is taking me. So think of me on the 14th because I'll be having a wicked awesome time ^____^

[ SeCrEt AdMiReRs ]

I just went to my account on myyearbook.com and found out that I currently have 6582 secret admirers. That is rather INSANE. And none of these people even know me.. haha. But I did mee this cool guy who lives like, ten minutes away from me and he's my age so that is pretty neat.

In band today all we did was watch Hairspray. I was happy. But there's no point in me being here today, I swear. Expect I have a test next block. Blah.

You know what really uber sucks? I am one percent away from being able to waive an exam. ONE PERCENT. I am pretty pissed off. And there are no more assignments in this class, so I can't get it up. School = suckage.

I have nothing to do right now and am quit bored. And I just got a comment from my favorite Fuzzball, but her layout doesn't have comments so I can't comment and tell her I'm online right now, too!!!

Well, I love you guys and hope you're both doing amazingly awesometastical. Later.

[ HaPPy BiRtHdAy, Dr. SeUsS! ]

Pfft. I HATE Dr. Seuss. Those books are messed up. They're like, trippy. And totally ridiculous...

Sorry. That was random. But what did you expect from me, what did you expect from me? *sings Senses Fail*

Anyways, I ended up hanging out with Ryan on Saturday but like... things are getting WEIRD. I mean, he's into pain. And he knows I'm into pain. So he tries to turn me on by hurting me. He seriously bit me on the neck and dug his nails into my neck and shit. It was crazy. And all we were doing was sitting there. For real, we haven't even made out or anything, I promise, but he just thinks it's ok to try to hurt me. SO I lied and said I needed to go home early. Plus he flipped out because I said I wouldn't be with someone who was joining the National Guard and he's like, "so I'm losing you..." And got out of the car and took off. BUT I'M NOT HIS. For real, we're not together. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe Denny was right....

I have exams this week and it sucks. I hate exams. And I can't waive this trimester because my grades aren't good enough *I have a B+ in digital photography and I need a A- to waive* BLAH =P

What else is going on....

I'm thoroughly convinced that my mother is going crazy. She yells at me about everything. I mean EVERYTHING. And I swear if I don't get out of that house soon I'll commit suicide. I can't take it. Daniel wants me to move out of there when I'm 18.. he said I could come stay with him. That'd be nice.. but I can't do that because of college...

Ugh.

[ wAiT.... iT's FrIdAy!!! ]

I just realized that it is Friday....

now I'm excited ^_____^

I hope that my music on here didn't scare anyone haha. I've really been getting into Brokencyde and their music is uh.. unique, to say the least. But the fact that Bryce Avary is in my header and Brokencyde is playing makes me giggle *you wouldn't understand unless you heard The Rocket Summer which is like, Brokencyde's total opposite*

So I got a new cell phone lastnight and it's PURPLE *squeals with excitement*

but no one called me lastnight, so I didn't get to use it T______T It's a music phone so I was walking around this morning with Chase blaring Brokencyde and everyone was staring at me like "is that even music??" hahahahaha! Listen to Brokencyde, people. They're not well known but totally rock... well, they do if you like vulgar electronica/screamo/hip hop mixes.

I'm in a better mood today then I have been. Maybe it's because Chase pulled me to the side today and said if I ever need anything or want someone to talk to he'll be here for me. It's amazing because the first time I met him I hated him. Like, with a passion. But now he's one of my closest friends. He reminds me so much of Ryan but I actually have more in common with him. He has a girlfriend, if you're wondering. There's nothing going on between us...

Today is a "black out" at my school for Spirit Week and everyone is wearing black. It's kinda funny because this is the only spirit day I participated it and it's purely because well, practically everything I own is black haha.

Oh, and another thing, my digital photography class ends next week, so after that I won't be on here much anymore T____T I'll only be on like, once a week. It's gonna be so hard, but I love you guys and I'm gonna miss you so much when I can't get on everyday and see your comments ='(

[ DrEaMiNg Of NiGhTmArEs ]

"So who would want me anyway? I'm a lush with broken parts and I'll never change. I have nothing left to give. I don't think I ever did. I wish that I could find the person that I was. I always thought that I'd be happy if I was loved, but I have nothing left to give. I don't think I ever did."

~"Map the Streets" by Senses Fail

Have you ever taken the time to listen to a song before and by the time the song has finished you are sobbing on the floor in your bathroom thinking of all the things that are mentioned in the song that fit in with your life?

If not, listen to the band Senses Fail. Their songs summarize everything I've been feeling [so it's not really feel good music].

I really do feel BrOkEn. I don't know what it is. Nothing seems to matter anymore.

"Nothing seems to change, I know now THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM"

and I'm done fighting it. Why fight it? I can't change. So I'm just gonna let my impulses take over. I don't really give a fxck anymore.

[ OuR sOcIeTy Is DyInG]

Does anyone else see that our society is dying?

Sex, drugs, alcohol, violence. It's taking over our everyday lives to a degree that hasn't been reached in past years.

I walk down the halls at my school and hear freshmen talking about getting baked and getting drunk and fxcking sluts and blah blah blah. It's ridiculous. And can't these ignorant people settle things without having to kick someone's a$$???

I am outside of this box, though. I do not get baked or drunk or fight. I find it trivial. But I do think. Which is my own enemy, I suppose, because it creates a hazardous situation for myself. I can't deal with things in the same way as everyone else. Pain makes me...

ecstatic

I am in the best mood after hurting myself. And I now see that this is an issue, especially after taking things to another degree. I need help. But how to I approach this?

A habit that started in 7th grade doesn't just disappear overnight. Guess I need to re-evalutate my life...

[HaVe ThE hAbItS hAd YoU???]

Yeah. Actually, they have...

How do you know when you've fallen off the deep end? I'm pretty sure it's when you have to call your ex to ask how to get something to stop bleeding. It's ESPECIALLY bad when the thing that you need to get to stop bleeding is your wrist.

*sigh*

No comments. And I don't feel like typing. Because bending my wrist to type hurts. So later peepz.

[ tGiF!!! ]

Yayz. It's FRIDAY!! I'm super stoked.

So Ryan kept trying to get ahold of me lastnight.. but I was on the phone with Daniel and let's be honest.. Daniel is a higher priority then Ryan. Hmm.. maybe if I just keep that in mind all my problems will dissolve... Anyways, ha. Priority. He's on my list of things to do lolz! Jkjkjklololol.

Well, kinda.

But I was really excited to talk to him. And the best part was the fact that he sounded like he didn't want me to go when I said I had to go to bed. Aww. He's cuter than anything. [Even little furry creatures.] And he was reading my blog when I was talking to him, which kinda freaks me out. I don't wanna make him think I'm a freak-o because I talk about him a lot on here. I can't help it. He's my favorite person ever. in. the. whole. world.

Well, have a great weekend, everyone, and talk to ya on Monday <3

[ LiFe... Is BoRiNg.. ]

* WARNING- Just to let you all know, my ex just got a blog on this site and will probably be stopping by to leave me comments, so don't freak out. And also don't worry because I know that you guys that I know from on here might get protective of me because you're great friends but yeah. Just a warning. *

I don't have much to say today. I know, I'm boring. But I wrote this yesterday. I tend to stay away from poems about killing and such, but this just came out. Hope you enjoy, I guess...

The fuel is spread

Now the house is ablaze

Falling to ashes,

Has seen better days

Just the excuse

I needed to ignite

Time to express

My fury, my fight

Nothing is saved

It burns to the ground

I just wish

That you weren't around

The rain starts to fall

Trying to drown it out

But I'm not giving up,

That's not what I'm about

Burn to the ground

Memories of the past

I'll erase your presence

Now I'm free at last

See what you have done to me?

Blistered skin and agony

Eternal damnation is for sinners

Enjoy the life os misery

So say goodbye

The final farewell

As you get what you deserve.

A fiery hell.

And for the record, NO, this is NOT ABOUT YOU, DENNY. It totally isn't. I promise. Because I know you read into that shxt and my poems always get to you...

And I love my Broken Wings and my Hairball ^____^ You two are the main reason I come to this site <3

[ T___T ]

Note to my favorite fuzz ball- your cbox will not load at my school *it's blocked* so I cannot comment you still T__T I'm very sad about this, too, so get a layout that I can comment on lolz. I miss you!!!

Anyways, Ryan called lastnight and he told me he wrote me a song but he's too nervous to sing it to me yet... so he needs to think things through first. I'm so nervous! He says it sums up how he feels about me. AHH!! I actually wrote a poem yesterday.. here it is.

Confusion swirling, my mind is twirling

Around my fingers where your presence lingers

Remembering Saturday, wishing it were today

Missing your touch, feelings too much

Scared to feel, head over heels,

Sick of being numb but scared of what's to come

Lusting for you, don't know what to do

Passion in hiding, looking for lighting

Wish you could see the inside of me

Wanting to scream, daring to dream

Wishing for this, but pounding my fist

Throw it around, bury it underground

Take it away, forget it today

Knowing you can't, always hearing your rant

It's time to admit, although I put up a fit

I feel for you but my head's like a zoo

I wish for more, so let me be yours <3

The problem is I don't know who it's about. I was thinking about Ryan but it seems to summarize how I feel about Daniel. AHH!!

On another note, my teacher gave me back my speech grade yesterday, so I looked at it and almost FAINTED. She says the Gascoyne region that I researched is the WRONG REGION and gave me a D+!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have NEVER gotten a D+ ever ever ever!! I get really good grades.. last tri my GPA was a 4.15, if you guys know how that calculates. And I take AP classes. So I'm quite upset. But my mom wants to talk to her about it, which is even worse T__T

[So AbOuT VaLeNtInE's DaY....]

[I DoN't WaNt YoU tO DaTe Me.. I wAnT yOu To WaNt To DaTe Me!]

[That's how I feel]

So Valentine's Day actually wasn't pure suckage. I talked to Ryan Friday night and I told him I was upset because I would be spending Valentine's Day alone, so he's like, "What if I come to Lowell tomorrow to see you?" So I paused and said that would be awesome... so he made the hour long drive again for the second time in a week just to see me. Am I worth it? I HIGHLY doubt it. But it made me feel good ^___^

Again, we spent the day in his car. And it was awesome.

But he wants to be more than friends, which it feels like we are. But that label. That "relationship" label.. it totally freaks me out. And it is for the strangest reason...

I mean, how do you possibly explain to someone that you like them and would probably be with them... if your heart didn't belong to someone you've never met face to face?? I can't help it. This is ridiculous. But everytime I talk to Daniel it makes me

crazy

ecstatic

happy... beyond belief.

And everytime he mentions coming here for college I get so excited that I want to fastforward to then. I want to forget everything and just be happy with him.

This is ridiculous.

But he makes me feel like no other.

[It'S FrIdAy ThE 13Th, BxTcH!]

"If I'm flying solo, atleast I'm flying free!"

We just played Wicked in band and I LOVE that music soo much. The book... eh, not so much... but the music. is. to. die. for. And that's how I feel about Valnetine's Day. Atleast if I ahve to be alone I am free.

Daniel called lastnight. I can officially stop worrying. Everything is fine with him and I can rest assured that my favorite person in the world is at home in Mississippi and no prostitutes are corrupting him.

Guess who else I talked to lastnight?? Jeremy, Ian, AND Ryan. It was a busy night. I actually called Ian and Jeremy like, adores me, so he answered the phone instead because he automatically thinks he needs to talk to me which is the cutest thing everz. He's too sweet to function. Then I called Ian later and he actually answered. Then Ryan called around 9 and as soon as we started talking Daniel called, so I pretty much blew Ryan off. I feel bad now, but come on. Daniel is pure pwnage. He's the coolest ever ever. And I've been worried SICK about him.

My speech went great. Thanx for asking.. lolz. And uhm... yeah. For the record, I'm not a lesbian, nor is my friend, but we are going to get married and go on our honeymoon when I turn 18. Don't be surprised [inside joke... don't attempt to understand unless you happen to be a cute girl who sits next to me in band <3]>

Hope you all have a super awesome fantastical heart warming weak in the knees sorta Valentine's Day. I will be spending it alone watching Titanic and wishing I had someone.

*sigh*

[VaLeNtInE's DaY = SuCkAgE]

"I never wanted to dance with nobody, but you wouldn't take no for an answer, you fxcking bxtch!"

Gotta love Mindless Self Indulgence. I mean, mix metal and electronica-styled dance and you get pure perfection. Well, screamo and electronica mix quite well, too [in the case of Brokencyde, who I pictured to the right]

I love electronica, might I add. It makes me wanna dance and wear bright colors... such as my neon pink eyeshadow and such.

Wanna know another wicked band? The Medic Droid, bxtches. I mean, Fer Sure? Classsic.

Why I'm talking about music, I do not know. So now I'll rant or.. something..

So I took yesterday off because school is stressing me out.. which reminds me I have a speech next block. How perfect *rolls eyes* But yeah. I sat home and played DDR most of the day. It was awesometastical. And you should surely be jealous. Daniel still hasn't called... I haven't talked to him since Saturday. I really home he didn't get kidnapped and forced to join a prostitution ring [looong inside joke.. don't think too hard about it]

What else...

Life is boring. Valentine's day is coming up. My mom actually gave me $20 to spend on amazon.com lastnight as a Valentine's Day present.. so I got another DDR game, a The Rocket Summer cd [Bryce Avary is the most amazing creature God has ever created.. and I don't even believe in God] and I got the Brokencyde EP. So be excited. I totally am.

[HmMpH]

-____-

I just typed a really long post and blogger went haywire and decided to screw up my layout and thus deleted my post...

SO now I must retype it all...

I'll summarize. School and life is hectic. I'm confused about boys. I hate relationships. I'm tired of trying. Dating is pointless and cliche. I feel fake when guys tell me how much they like me because I know they'll get over it. I hate Valentine's day. Ryan wants to spend it with me. I'm nervous.
Yeah. There's my summary. It looked so much cooler the FIRST time I typed it. Damn Blogger..

[I'm ALiVe!!!]

Heyz. Just wanted to let you all know that I was not raped and left in a ditch to die. I actually had a REALLY good day with Ryan. He's a total sweetie. He acts all tough but he totally isn't. It's kinda funny...

We spent the day in the parking lot at the library, which was closed btw, listening to death metal. LOLz! I was like, "this is scary O___O" but he was cool about my fear of death metal and actually got me to say I liked The Devil Wears Prada..

Anyways...

He wants me to be his girlfriend. GIRLFRIEND!! But that is such a step, ya know? And this is totally and utterly ridiculous.. but I said I have to think about it.. and it's all because of Daniel T__T You see, Daniel is this AMAZING guy who I've mentioned before that I met online {I know, I'm freakin weird} and he is basically me only a guy. He's the coolest. And he wants to move to Michigan because he likes me and.. long story short, I love that kid to DEATH. He is everything I want in a guy. And I know it would hurt him if I had a boyfriend because he knows how I feel about him and BLAH! It's so stupid.. I feel ridiculous. But I can't help it. He makes me laugh more than anyone I've ever known.. he makes me smile everytime he calls.. he makes me talk about things that are totally random and crazy [like projectile vomiting underneath your skin...] and no one else would EVER get me that way. Like.. no one understands the things that I say like him. And I think he might be taking Robert's place for favorite person ever. Amazing, huh?

GAAAAAH!!

So what do I do? Settle and say yes to Ryan, or wait and pray and hope that Daniel comes here?

I feel so ridiculous.. but no one would understand how Daniel makes me feel.

[Ok, So I ChAnGeD mY LaYoUt AgAiN...]

I'm totally addicted to changing my layout on here now that I found this awesome site called pimp-my-profile... but anyways...

MY MOM SAID YES!! Which means I will be hanging out with Ryan all day Sunday. It's so cute that he's willing to drive an hour just to hang out with me. But I'll admit.. I'm totally nervous out of my mind. These are the reasons...

1.What if he scares my parents when they meet him?

2. What if I'm not comfortable around him?

3. What if he "makes a move?"

4. What if we get in a car crash and die?

5. What if I'm making a mistake?

and finally...

6. WHAT IF HE KIDNAPS ME, RAPES ME, THEN LEAVES ME IN A DITCH???

hahahah. I know.. these fears are totes ridiculous. I'll stop now. But is this a date? Is it a date if a guy says he likes you and is willing to drive over an hour just to pick you up and says he's willing to do anything you want to for the day??

Damn. maybe this is a date... oh well. He's totally cool and yeah. I just need to stop being shy. Denny (my ex) is uber pissed off though. He says I should have nothing to do with Ryan.. and Kyle said that if I ever did anything with him he'd never speak to me again. [ho also said I can "hang out with Ryan, just not bangout with Ryan... lolz!]

But yeah. So if there's no post on Monday, I was most deff kidnapped and you should like, call the police or something...

*Tootlez!*

[BeInG sIcK mAkEs Me AnGrY]

This is one of my favorite people ever in the world. His name is Jeremy and we're gonna run away to Canada and start a nudist college ^___^

I'm sick. Yes I am. And I hate it. It pretty much sucks.....

I'm in a bad mood. Robert isn't here today and well....that might be a good thing. Because I was thinking lastnight [never a good thing]... and he really has been upsetting me. Like, he made me cry lastnight. Things are just really icky right now and I want to talk to him and tell him what I'm thinking but I can't. I don't have the guts. So instead I'll just bottle it up and hope that things get better...

[Ai Yai Yai I'm YoUr LiTtLe BuTTeRfLy!!]

I totally wanna be at home playing DDR instead of sitting here doing absolutely nothing.. but here I am. I'm sure you, out there in cyberland, are excited though because you now have something to read. So here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again... *is making too many references to DDR*

Uhmz..

I talked to Ryan lastnight, which was a shock because about a week ago I wanted nothing to do with him. Funny how time changes things. He wants to hang out on Sunday. He's cool, but I don't really trust him... hmph...

Have you ever realized that the one person you thinnk could complete you lives too far away to be with? It's a sad realization, but I have made it and am fully convinced that I found someone who could quite possibly be my other half, which sounds horribly lame. But you, out there in cyberland, wouldn't understand, because you don't know how he talks to me, how he helps me, how his words make me want to stop doing stupid shxt. Too bad Portland is like, 45 minds away...

Let's just pray he goes to GRCC with me...

Boys are stupid. Yep. This is so true. And I'm tired of them. So either one needs to step up or I'm giving up.. Yeppers. That's my new theory..

[DDR CrAzE]

So my current DDR craze is leaving me in pain. I've played so much lately that I can hardly walk... yet everyday when I get home I play some more XD I love that game more.than.life.

uhhhmz...

My cousin wants me to read a book and do a book report for him... he said he'll pay me $20.. if he's serious I'll do it. I could use the money, plus I'm actually really good at writing and I love to read... so cool beans.

I'm done being mad at Robert [did I type about that yesterday??? can't remember T__T] He's too hard to stay mad at.. plus on the bus yesterday he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek ^__^ but now i'm wondering why. I mean, you don't kiss someone on the cheek for no reason, right??? Ugh. That boy is confusing..

I know it gets totally hard to keep track of all the guys I mention because 98.5% of the people I am friends with are guys, but here's another name to remember: Daniel. So I know him from online and he is so worth mentioning. He is totally like.... the coolest ever. I actually met him in a gamers chat on Mocospace [yesh, I have a strange attraction to gamers] and he is the sweetest thing since ice cream covered in honey. For sure. He's totally crazy.. he says the most random things.. but everytime I talk to him I can't help but smile [we talk on the phone btw] He makes me so happy!! But he's currently living in Cali and moving back to Mississippi this weekend T__T He wants to come see me someday. I certainly hope he will <3

[BaD dAy]

I'm having a rather BAD DAY. SO I woke up totally sore from palying entirely too much Dance Dance Revolution yesterday [I just got it and became rather addicted]. I could hardly get out of bed.. and my finger is gashed open from making hair bows... don't ask how I cut it. It's really lame..

Then I got on the bus and Robert is like, "I've realized that you're a senior and you're leaving this school after this year, so I think we shouldn't hang out as much anymore..." STAB FREAKIN STAB STAB!! It hurt really bad. I almost cried so instead I ignored him and blew my eardrums out listening to Senses Fail. It must have been really loud because all the people sitting around me kept looking at me..

Either it was the music or my awesome pink hairbow that makes me look like a child lolz

I got the COOLEST Jeffree Star shirt ever this weekend...

actually I'll show you....

That's it. [and you should already realize that that isn't me in the pic] I LOVE THAT SHIRT!!

Well, off I go to have an AMAZINGLY BAD DAY and think of my stupid friend T___T

[SoRrY???]

Why is the hells bells is everyone saying sorry to me lately?? For realz, it's creeping me out. Kyle called and said sorry.. then Matt texted me and said sorry for picking on me lastnight. WHat is going on?? I mean, when Kyle called is for sure cheered me up. I was really upset that he was upset with me. But Matt... I wasn't really upset. I thought it was cute.... so it's ok I suppose. I'm uber happy and can't WAIT to talk to Matt in novel and be like "hahahaha you think I'm mad at yoooou..."

LOLz

Ummmmzzz.....

Yeah. SO I don't really know what to type.. so Imma go work on my digiphotography shizznits and type later.

[AlMoSt fRiDaY]

I'm ready for Friday... for sure. Because this week is too...

hectic

boring

ritualistic

dull

blaaah...

Yeppers. Too much reading this week for AP lit. It's making me want to cut my tongue out and hit Mr. Larsen with it..

Hahaha I totally just pictured that and it was totes HILARIOUS..

So you know what's even worse than people calling me at 2AM?? People SAYING they are gonna call me and then never do. Yeah. Total pet peeve. Speaking of pets... do you like my kitty?? I took that pic =^__^=

Uhmm...

I don't know what to talk about... well, there is this one girl I could talk about.. a friend of mine who is bisexual and has a little bit of a CRUSH on me. Yeah. Crazy, huh? She's cool though. And pretty cute <3>

HAHAHA XD

'Tis all for now.

[HaHa I'm A PoSeR]

So someone commented that blog thingy I'm on and called me a poser because I don't appear to be as messed up as most emo kids.. like.... that's funny... because, come on. If I'm gonna be featured on something public, am I gonna be all like "I cut myself and wanna die?" Fxck no. I'm not stupid..

Anywayz.. on another note, my day has pretty much SUCKED thus far. I am at the bustop waiting for the bus and remembered that I forgot my camera from school at home, so I missed the bus when I went to get it. Then I forgot the lens cap in my coat pocket and had to walk all the way back to the other side of the school to get it. BLAAAHz

It's okey dokey though. But my friend, Seth, called lastnight and left me a message saying that he's being sent to Afghanistan in May [he's in the marines or something] so it sucks =(

HELLO KITTY!!!!

[that's a pic I took for digital photography]

uhm... laterZ

[AwSoMe DaY *tHuS fAr*]

I fxcking love Jeffree Star...

This is pretty much a pretty cool day. Band class was epic. I'm most deff not going into details but it was totes awesome!

I also scared Robert by pretending I was looking at his a$$ when I was really just looking at his belt... actually, that's a lie. I was looking at the belt which drew me to look at his a$$ so... it was a win-win situation

JEFFREEEEEEE STAAAR!!! Robert FINALLY burnt a cd with his music on it. Brandy=happy because Jeffree Star= AWESOMENESSSSS

How come people only call me at like, two in the morning?? Seriously, I missed two calls from two people I really wanted to talk to because I was *duh* sleeping at the time they called.. one was almost two AM, the other was like, 2:47 AM. I was totes ready to call them back and be like

"WHY IN THE PURPLE MOUNTAINS MAJESTY ARE YOU CALLING ME AT 2 AM??? GO THE FxCK TO SLEEP"

Bahhahahaha but I wouldn't do that... so instead I just complain when they never call back and then they ask why I didn't answer/call back and I'm like, "you're dumb.."

Oh, hey, I'm totally featured on this blog. So like.. friggin check me out...

http://fashion-emo-hairstyles.blogspot.com/2009/01/emo-girl-brandys-pictures-and-her.html

The story of my life.. I'm excited to be on a emo blog... hahaha my.life.is.so.random...

[SoMeThInG wOrTh ReAdInG]

To Write Love on Her Arms - Entertainment

I personally love this organization and everything they are doing. I came across this article while writing a research paper on the topic and thought that anyone who reads this might be interested. Thanks!!

[BoRiNg WeEkEnD]

So this weekend is so boring.. I spent my day watching Almost Famous and Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen and playing some Rock Band.. blah

So that's me with messy hair haha. I wanna photoshop this later...

I really don't know what to type about... People suck. Boys suck. Life sucks. End of story.

[LeArNiNg tO fALL]

I'm in a rather bad mood. I blame Ryan.. so his Facebook now says "engaged.." So much for him even wanting to date me. That's so friggin annoying, ya know? He says we need to make plans and then before he has a chance to even talk to me about those so called plans he is with someone else. Story of my life..

This week is soo hectic. It sucks. All I've done today in class is sit here and play online. I don't feel like doing anything. I even used a website to get past the block on Facebook to send him a message and then saw that.. You know, I had a dream that he did something like this. Guess is was a sign..

Forget it. It doesn't even matter. He lives in Muskegon anyways.. and besides, boys suck. Edward Cullen is the only guy worthy of mention and he's a character in a book [and now movie]

hahaha

[So LaSt NiGhT sUcKeD!!!]

Mood: Confused and Upset //___x

Soundtrack for Today: "I Hate Everything About You" by Three Days Grace

Lastnight was quite possibly the worse night of my life. Before you read this, please take a deep breath and don't worry. Please?? Ok, here it goes..

So I was online looking up sparknotes for the book I'm reading for AP Lit. I was sick of waiting for the page to load, so I mentioned how slow the internet was to my mom. She automatically started blaming me, saying it's because of all the music I have in the computer. I was like, "actually, mom, there isn't much, if any, of a connection, because I deleted all my music.." so she went spastic and told me to get off the computer. So I said, "mom, I can't. I'm doing homework." At this, she lost it. She came at me with her FIST, so, since I'm 17 and have enough sense to protect myself, I put my leg up to block her. This set her off and she started hitting me. My dad saw and came and pulled her off me. Then I tried to go to my room and my mom started hitting my dad, so he grabbed her and pinned her against the wall..

Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, she got away from him and opened my door. My sister, who's 13, was in my room crying and I told my mom to get out and closed the door. She then flung it open and knocked me to the ground, so I have a bruise on my leg, a bruise on my arm, my finger got cut open, and my ankle was twisted and cut open. My dad came back in and got her out and said if she hit me he'd call the police. So she threatened to call the police on him because she had a mark where he grabbed her. Then she took off for like an hour in her car... she came back right before I went to bed and said nothing the rest of the night. And this morning she woke me up like everything was fine, never apologized, and never said anything to me about it.

I don't know how to react at this point. I mean, was i in the wrong? I did question her authority, but COME ON. You don't attack your children.. ya know?? Ugh. Am I just being overly emo about this?? I called my friend, Ian, who doesn't go to this school anymore, and he said that if I don't go to the councelor about this he'll call the school and tell them about it. T__T

I need some advice, peeps ... It would be much appreciated.

[YoWzAaA!!]

So I'm actually in a pretty epicly good mood today! It feels GREAT!! I don't exactly know why though. I mean, I have so much crap going on this week but it's ok. And all the stuff with my ex is better because

1. He's not calling me

2. He's not talking shxt about me

3.I hardly see him

4. I like someone else and am waaaay better off without him ^__^

Yeppers. I'm finally trying to be happy. My mom was talking me me lastnight though and she thinks I have a depressive disorder. She says she's noticed that I get upset alot, obsess over little things, talk really bad about myself... all that fun stuff. She thinks that it's because of the people I hang out with.. or the lack of people I hang out with. It just really sucks having friends that never ever want to hang out with me.. They're always too busy.. and I don't like the fact that they practically forget I exist //___x [insert emo tears here]

You know what makes me happy? When people prove that they care about me. Like Ryan the other night when, even though we hadn't talked in like, years, he asked me how my day was. It meant soo much to me.. And Jeremy uses my name when he speaks to me. I know it's dumb but when he gets ready to say goodbye he's always like, "take care, Brandy." Means the WORLD to me.

Bleck. Weekends = Pure Suckage

Hello once again to another installement of THE LIFE OF BRANDY PHILLIPS..

I don't know what to type about... //_x <----- that's an emo kid smiley thingy.. Matt showed it to me

I just took a looong break from typing.. as if you care haha. I went out and took some pics..

I'm actually quite stoked that I am talking to Ryan again. No lies. Because I never got to know him while he was here. It sucks that I never got to know him when he was here, but I am going to fix it. For sure. Plus he is so nice to me.. and calls me cute ^__^* He wants to come visit me sometime, too. Yay for me..

So I talk about alot of guys on here. Good luck keeping track at home lolz

And don't ask about the pic... I just took it and thought it was kinda shweet. I love this bracelet..

Blaaaah..

I'm sick of going on Facebook. It upsets me..

BUT someone I knew back in middle school who moved is talking to me online right now and he likes me.. so that's cool.. but he lives in Muskegon now...

And Jeremy never called. I talked to him on Facebook but he shrugged it off..

What else......

It's still cold. I'm still upset. I hate my friends....

My life is like the soundtrack of a bad 70's porno...

HAHAHA XD

Yeah... this is a pointless post..

[ToO cOLd To FuNcTiOn!!]

SO it's like, -8 degress F out today. It's ridiculous T__T This is what it looks like from the hill at my school ------------------------------>

Hmph. I don't know what to type about today because.. well.. I'm in a bad mood and don't wanna type out everything that's bothering me..

Actually, I will. I'll spill my guts..

First off, I wanted to talk to Jeremy last night but he's out of minutes.. so I called Ian and guess who answered? Jeremy ^_^ But then he had to go so he said he'd call back and I was like yeah right. You always say that. So he said he PROMISED and if he didn't call he'd cut off his penis and mail it to me O...o But guess what? He never called. I hate guys X_X

And my ex is still lying about me. Now he told his new girlfriend that I emailed him but that's all. Uhm, I only emailed him after HE CALLED ME AND TOLD ME TO. GAHH!!

Hmm.. what else...

School is so stressful! I'm sick of reading Shakespeare and stuff for novel and blah blah. Life is boring and school makes it even worse..

So back to the Jeremy thing.. sorry, it's bugging me.. I was watching American Idol lastnight and I was beginning to feel an anxiety attack coming on.. the whole deep breathing, eyes watering, throat closing effect... but I was like "oh no. Jeremy will call so I can't start to freak out because I'll scare him" so I just kept it in. Then he never called. So I have all this built up emotion crap in me right now and I just. wanna. scream!!!!!!!!!

But yesterday Mrs. Swift switched our seats.. hopefully not permanatly.. and we had to work in groups and Matt's group was next to mine so I could still talk and see him without staring at the back of his head.. and everytime I looked at him, he was looking back ^__^ He has this head nod-wink thing he does to me.. it drives me crazy..and he always makes me smile. It's a good feeling. BUT I have a feeling nothing will come of this >.<

My sister's birthday party is on Sunday. I invited Robert to come and hopefully keep me company but I'm afraid to meet his mom. I have a feeling that she won't like me.

I just noticed I'm a name dropper. It's bad. I just have alot of guy friends.. good luck keeping track. it's really funny though because when I get into a rant and mention tons of guys, Robert actually keeps track. AND remembers. Although he asked me to write them down so he's sure he won't forget. He's such a sweetie...

<3

[UpDaTe!]

So yesterday's post was err... pointless?? Yeah, pretty much. So here's the update on how I am..

Well, Dakota (my ex) called me again on Monday and we talked for like, an hour and a half. Things are so weird about him.. and he's lying to his girlfriend.. saying he doesn't think of me.. and he doesn't talk to me.. and blah blah blah. I swear he doesn't really care about her because he still cares so much for me. Maybe I'm naive but whatev. He's just stupid.

There's a dance coming up on Feb. 7th apparently. I didn't know because well.. I don't really care about those things. BUT Dakota is taking Katie which kinda sucks -___- So I'm thinking maybe I should make an appearence?? But then I have to go dress shopping with my mom and she'll see my scars.. so no fun.

Plus the only guy of interest here.. the one from the pic below.. probably doesn't know I exist on any level besides a friend.. I really wanna go with Jeremy, Ian's friend, but he already graduated and he doesn't have his license AND he has never gone to my school.. so I'd have to fill out a form for him to come.. and it'd be weird to be like ,"Hey Ian.. I know you used to go here and all but can you bring your friend because he totally pwns over you??" Hahahahahah ^__^

Ugh. Forget guys. They all suck. The End.

Real men make.. snowangels?

So I was walking around the school today complaining about not having anything to take pics of.. then my friend Matt came from KCTC and I was like "Yay! I can hang out with him ^__^" (I have a thing for Matt.. I don't know if he knows that though O__O) So we're hanging out.. skipping class.. then he's like, "I'll go outside and make a snow angel for you if you let me back in.." So I rolled my eyes because if he made one he'd be wet all day and I didn't believe he'd so it.. well, he did. As you can see *__* He's so adorable <3

Next block I sit behind him and I won't be able to control my laughing.. he will be dripping wet and no one will know why.. except me!! =)

Wow. Sorry about yesterday's rant..

Haha I read yesterday's post.. I need to get over this shxt. I mean, it's not good for me.. Not. At. All.

So I figured out yesterday that I can't wear a short or even semi-short dress to prom IF I go.. will I go? Probably not. Because no one likes me *emo tears* But if I wanna do I can't wear a cute dress because..well.. I have too many cuts on my legs now.. Yepp, I am a cutter. Haha. Don't worry. Stop biting your lip, widening your eyes, and all that fun stuff people do when they find out. It's really no big deal. I've done it since 7th grade.. so I'm a pro [god that's messed up]. It's really ok though. I've never been hospitalized and I'm careful.. so no worries.. Except if my parents find out I'm still doing it..

Ahhh no worries.. It'll be okey dokey..

On another note, I forgot all of my rings at home today x_x I feel so weird.. but I acutally look really cute today so it's ok!!

So if you're reading this, comment me. Let me know. Because I have one follower.. and no one else seems to know I exist!! It would be nice to make some uh friends..

<3

GAAAAAH!! So people. Need. To. Die.

I am now taking on the role of homewrecker. And if I cannot complete this task, my life has no meaning..

What am I talking about??
... fxck if I know...
Wait. I DO know. So my ex.. yeah.. the one who kissed me before break.. has a new girlfriend.

WHAT??

I know. It's messed up. I don't understand why he thinks he can replace me with her. There's NO COMPARING ME TO HER!!! I am what he wants. I know this for a mother fxcking fact!! And if not, why does he call me more now than ever before? Because he wants me. Eat that, bitch.

Ugh. Bad mood. I just wish he'd realize that I'm not playing. I am sorry. And I wanna fix it.

"What will it take to make you understand that I.. I'm not lying when I say I need you.."

I hate myself for this soo much... but she doesn't deserve him. She is just flirting. I have been here. I know him. I know everything about him. I know his downfalls.. his strong points...

I TOOK HIS VIRGINITY!! HE'S MINE >=O

Oh wow. I'm really really on a tangent. I'm gonna go before I say more crap that I'll regret tomorrow! But no one I know reads this anyways.. haha

This totally made my day ^_^

(\__/)
(O.o )
(> < ) This Is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination.

DROP THE GIRL, She's the only reason she's got you believing it's love..

So remember that post about my ex and me talking to him and blah blah blah? Well he has a new girlfriend.. yeah. All that happened the day before break.. he asked her out the day after break...

Story.Of.My.Life.

He called me last night and we talked for like, an hour and a half. And I couldn't. stop. crying. I don't know why, but this is really effecting me. But he asked me not to interfere and said he will never stop caring for me, so I feel a little better. Plus I fxcked this up. There's not much I can do now except wait.

Jeremy called last night. He's a friend of Ian's who is totally amazing. He helped me a lot. And he is trying to get me to move to with him and Ian this summer to Mackinac.. ha ha yeah right.

I am way too tired to continue typing. But I'll leave you with this amazing picture of me. My friend, Katy took it and photoshopped it. Bask in it's glory, bitches.