[HaVe ThE hAbItS hAd YoU???]

Yeah. Actually, they have...

How do you know when you've fallen off the deep end? I'm pretty sure it's when you have to call your ex to ask how to get something to stop bleeding. It's ESPECIALLY bad when the thing that you need to get to stop bleeding is your wrist.

*sigh*

No comments. And I don't feel like typing. Because bending my wrist to type hurts. So later peepz.

[ tGiF!!! ]

Yayz. It's FRIDAY!! I'm super stoked.

So Ryan kept trying to get ahold of me lastnight.. but I was on the phone with Daniel and let's be honest.. Daniel is a higher priority then Ryan. Hmm.. maybe if I just keep that in mind all my problems will dissolve... Anyways, ha. Priority. He's on my list of things to do lolz! Jkjkjklololol.

Well, kinda.

But I was really excited to talk to him. And the best part was the fact that he sounded like he didn't want me to go when I said I had to go to bed. Aww. He's cuter than anything. [Even little furry creatures.] And he was reading my blog when I was talking to him, which kinda freaks me out. I don't wanna make him think I'm a freak-o because I talk about him a lot on here. I can't help it. He's my favorite person ever. in. the. whole. world.

Well, have a great weekend, everyone, and talk to ya on Monday <3

[ LiFe... Is BoRiNg.. ]

* WARNING- Just to let you all know, my ex just got a blog on this site and will probably be stopping by to leave me comments, so don't freak out. And also don't worry because I know that you guys that I know from on here might get protective of me because you're great friends but yeah. Just a warning. *

I don't have much to say today. I know, I'm boring. But I wrote this yesterday. I tend to stay away from poems about killing and such, but this just came out. Hope you enjoy, I guess...

The fuel is spread

Now the house is ablaze

Falling to ashes,

Has seen better days

Just the excuse

I needed to ignite

Time to express

My fury, my fight

Nothing is saved

It burns to the ground

I just wish

That you weren't around

The rain starts to fall

Trying to drown it out

But I'm not giving up,

That's not what I'm about

Burn to the ground

Memories of the past

I'll erase your presence

Now I'm free at last

See what you have done to me?

Blistered skin and agony

Eternal damnation is for sinners

Enjoy the life os misery

So say goodbye

The final farewell

As you get what you deserve.

A fiery hell.

And for the record, NO, this is NOT ABOUT YOU, DENNY. It totally isn't. I promise. Because I know you read into that shxt and my poems always get to you...

And I love my Broken Wings and my Hairball ^____^ You two are the main reason I come to this site <3

[ T___T ]

Note to my favorite fuzz ball- your cbox will not load at my school *it's blocked* so I cannot comment you still T__T I'm very sad about this, too, so get a layout that I can comment on lolz. I miss you!!!

Anyways, Ryan called lastnight and he told me he wrote me a song but he's too nervous to sing it to me yet... so he needs to think things through first. I'm so nervous! He says it sums up how he feels about me. AHH!! I actually wrote a poem yesterday.. here it is.

Confusion swirling, my mind is twirling

Around my fingers where your presence lingers

Remembering Saturday, wishing it were today

Missing your touch, feelings too much

Scared to feel, head over heels,

Sick of being numb but scared of what's to come

Lusting for you, don't know what to do

Passion in hiding, looking for lighting

Wish you could see the inside of me

Wanting to scream, daring to dream

Wishing for this, but pounding my fist

Throw it around, bury it underground

Take it away, forget it today

Knowing you can't, always hearing your rant

It's time to admit, although I put up a fit

I feel for you but my head's like a zoo

I wish for more, so let me be yours <3

The problem is I don't know who it's about. I was thinking about Ryan but it seems to summarize how I feel about Daniel. AHH!!

On another note, my teacher gave me back my speech grade yesterday, so I looked at it and almost FAINTED. She says the Gascoyne region that I researched is the WRONG REGION and gave me a D+!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have NEVER gotten a D+ ever ever ever!! I get really good grades.. last tri my GPA was a 4.15, if you guys know how that calculates. And I take AP classes. So I'm quite upset. But my mom wants to talk to her about it, which is even worse T__T

[So AbOuT VaLeNtInE's DaY....]

[I DoN't WaNt YoU tO DaTe Me.. I wAnT yOu To WaNt To DaTe Me!]

[That's how I feel]

So Valentine's Day actually wasn't pure suckage. I talked to Ryan Friday night and I told him I was upset because I would be spending Valentine's Day alone, so he's like, "What if I come to Lowell tomorrow to see you?" So I paused and said that would be awesome... so he made the hour long drive again for the second time in a week just to see me. Am I worth it? I HIGHLY doubt it. But it made me feel good ^___^

Again, we spent the day in his car. And it was awesome.

But he wants to be more than friends, which it feels like we are. But that label. That "relationship" label.. it totally freaks me out. And it is for the strangest reason...

I mean, how do you possibly explain to someone that you like them and would probably be with them... if your heart didn't belong to someone you've never met face to face?? I can't help it. This is ridiculous. But everytime I talk to Daniel it makes me

crazy

ecstatic

happy... beyond belief.

And everytime he mentions coming here for college I get so excited that I want to fastforward to then. I want to forget everything and just be happy with him.

This is ridiculous.

But he makes me feel like no other.

[It'S FrIdAy ThE 13Th, BxTcH!]

"If I'm flying solo, atleast I'm flying free!"

We just played Wicked in band and I LOVE that music soo much. The book... eh, not so much... but the music. is. to. die. for. And that's how I feel about Valnetine's Day. Atleast if I ahve to be alone I am free.

Daniel called lastnight. I can officially stop worrying. Everything is fine with him and I can rest assured that my favorite person in the world is at home in Mississippi and no prostitutes are corrupting him.

Guess who else I talked to lastnight?? Jeremy, Ian, AND Ryan. It was a busy night. I actually called Ian and Jeremy like, adores me, so he answered the phone instead because he automatically thinks he needs to talk to me which is the cutest thing everz. He's too sweet to function. Then I called Ian later and he actually answered. Then Ryan called around 9 and as soon as we started talking Daniel called, so I pretty much blew Ryan off. I feel bad now, but come on. Daniel is pure pwnage. He's the coolest ever ever. And I've been worried SICK about him.

My speech went great. Thanx for asking.. lolz. And uhm... yeah. For the record, I'm not a lesbian, nor is my friend, but we are going to get married and go on our honeymoon when I turn 18. Don't be surprised [inside joke... don't attempt to understand unless you happen to be a cute girl who sits next to me in band <3]>

Hope you all have a super awesome fantastical heart warming weak in the knees sorta Valentine's Day. I will be spending it alone watching Titanic and wishing I had someone.

*sigh*

[VaLeNtInE's DaY = SuCkAgE]

"I never wanted to dance with nobody, but you wouldn't take no for an answer, you fxcking bxtch!"

Gotta love Mindless Self Indulgence. I mean, mix metal and electronica-styled dance and you get pure perfection. Well, screamo and electronica mix quite well, too [in the case of Brokencyde, who I pictured to the right]

I love electronica, might I add. It makes me wanna dance and wear bright colors... such as my neon pink eyeshadow and such.

Wanna know another wicked band? The Medic Droid, bxtches. I mean, Fer Sure? Classsic.

Why I'm talking about music, I do not know. So now I'll rant or.. something..

So I took yesterday off because school is stressing me out.. which reminds me I have a speech next block. How perfect *rolls eyes* But yeah. I sat home and played DDR most of the day. It was awesometastical. And you should surely be jealous. Daniel still hasn't called... I haven't talked to him since Saturday. I really home he didn't get kidnapped and forced to join a prostitution ring [looong inside joke.. don't think too hard about it]

What else...

Life is boring. Valentine's day is coming up. My mom actually gave me $20 to spend on amazon.com lastnight as a Valentine's Day present.. so I got another DDR game, a The Rocket Summer cd [Bryce Avary is the most amazing creature God has ever created.. and I don't even believe in God] and I got the Brokencyde EP. So be excited. I totally am.