[HmMpH]

-____-

I just typed a really long post and blogger went haywire and decided to screw up my layout and thus deleted my post...

SO now I must retype it all...

I'll summarize. School and life is hectic. I'm confused about boys. I hate relationships. I'm tired of trying. Dating is pointless and cliche. I feel fake when guys tell me how much they like me because I know they'll get over it. I hate Valentine's day. Ryan wants to spend it with me. I'm nervous.
Yeah. There's my summary. It looked so much cooler the FIRST time I typed it. Damn Blogger..

[I'm ALiVe!!!]

Heyz. Just wanted to let you all know that I was not raped and left in a ditch to die. I actually had a REALLY good day with Ryan. He's a total sweetie. He acts all tough but he totally isn't. It's kinda funny...

We spent the day in the parking lot at the library, which was closed btw, listening to death metal. LOLz! I was like, "this is scary O___O" but he was cool about my fear of death metal and actually got me to say I liked The Devil Wears Prada..

Anyways...

He wants me to be his girlfriend. GIRLFRIEND!! But that is such a step, ya know? And this is totally and utterly ridiculous.. but I said I have to think about it.. and it's all because of Daniel T__T You see, Daniel is this AMAZING guy who I've mentioned before that I met online {I know, I'm freakin weird} and he is basically me only a guy. He's the coolest. And he wants to move to Michigan because he likes me and.. long story short, I love that kid to DEATH. He is everything I want in a guy. And I know it would hurt him if I had a boyfriend because he knows how I feel about him and BLAH! It's so stupid.. I feel ridiculous. But I can't help it. He makes me laugh more than anyone I've ever known.. he makes me smile everytime he calls.. he makes me talk about things that are totally random and crazy [like projectile vomiting underneath your skin...] and no one else would EVER get me that way. Like.. no one understands the things that I say like him. And I think he might be taking Robert's place for favorite person ever. Amazing, huh?

GAAAAAH!!

So what do I do? Settle and say yes to Ryan, or wait and pray and hope that Daniel comes here?

I feel so ridiculous.. but no one would understand how Daniel makes me feel.

[Ok, So I ChAnGeD mY LaYoUt AgAiN...]

I'm totally addicted to changing my layout on here now that I found this awesome site called pimp-my-profile... but anyways...

MY MOM SAID YES!! Which means I will be hanging out with Ryan all day Sunday. It's so cute that he's willing to drive an hour just to hang out with me. But I'll admit.. I'm totally nervous out of my mind. These are the reasons...

1.What if he scares my parents when they meet him?

2. What if I'm not comfortable around him?

3. What if he "makes a move?"

4. What if we get in a car crash and die?

5. What if I'm making a mistake?

and finally...

6. WHAT IF HE KIDNAPS ME, RAPES ME, THEN LEAVES ME IN A DITCH???

hahahah. I know.. these fears are totes ridiculous. I'll stop now. But is this a date? Is it a date if a guy says he likes you and is willing to drive over an hour just to pick you up and says he's willing to do anything you want to for the day??

Damn. maybe this is a date... oh well. He's totally cool and yeah. I just need to stop being shy. Denny (my ex) is uber pissed off though. He says I should have nothing to do with Ryan.. and Kyle said that if I ever did anything with him he'd never speak to me again. [ho also said I can "hang out with Ryan, just not bangout with Ryan... lolz!]

But yeah. So if there's no post on Monday, I was most deff kidnapped and you should like, call the police or something...

*Tootlez!*

[BeInG sIcK mAkEs Me AnGrY]

This is one of my favorite people ever in the world. His name is Jeremy and we're gonna run away to Canada and start a nudist college ^___^

I'm sick. Yes I am. And I hate it. It pretty much sucks.....

I'm in a bad mood. Robert isn't here today and well....that might be a good thing. Because I was thinking lastnight [never a good thing]... and he really has been upsetting me. Like, he made me cry lastnight. Things are just really icky right now and I want to talk to him and tell him what I'm thinking but I can't. I don't have the guts. So instead I'll just bottle it up and hope that things get better...

[Ai Yai Yai I'm YoUr LiTtLe BuTTeRfLy!!]

I totally wanna be at home playing DDR instead of sitting here doing absolutely nothing.. but here I am. I'm sure you, out there in cyberland, are excited though because you now have something to read. So here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again... *is making too many references to DDR*

Uhmz..

I talked to Ryan lastnight, which was a shock because about a week ago I wanted nothing to do with him. Funny how time changes things. He wants to hang out on Sunday. He's cool, but I don't really trust him... hmph...

Have you ever realized that the one person you thinnk could complete you lives too far away to be with? It's a sad realization, but I have made it and am fully convinced that I found someone who could quite possibly be my other half, which sounds horribly lame. But you, out there in cyberland, wouldn't understand, because you don't know how he talks to me, how he helps me, how his words make me want to stop doing stupid shxt. Too bad Portland is like, 45 minds away...

Let's just pray he goes to GRCC with me...

Boys are stupid. Yep. This is so true. And I'm tired of them. So either one needs to step up or I'm giving up.. Yeppers. That's my new theory..

[DDR CrAzE]

So my current DDR craze is leaving me in pain. I've played so much lately that I can hardly walk... yet everyday when I get home I play some more XD I love that game more.than.life.

uhhhmz...

My cousin wants me to read a book and do a book report for him... he said he'll pay me $20.. if he's serious I'll do it. I could use the money, plus I'm actually really good at writing and I love to read... so cool beans.

I'm done being mad at Robert [did I type about that yesterday??? can't remember T__T] He's too hard to stay mad at.. plus on the bus yesterday he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek ^__^ but now i'm wondering why. I mean, you don't kiss someone on the cheek for no reason, right??? Ugh. That boy is confusing..

I know it gets totally hard to keep track of all the guys I mention because 98.5% of the people I am friends with are guys, but here's another name to remember: Daniel. So I know him from online and he is so worth mentioning. He is totally like.... the coolest ever. I actually met him in a gamers chat on Mocospace [yesh, I have a strange attraction to gamers] and he is the sweetest thing since ice cream covered in honey. For sure. He's totally crazy.. he says the most random things.. but everytime I talk to him I can't help but smile [we talk on the phone btw] He makes me so happy!! But he's currently living in Cali and moving back to Mississippi this weekend T__T He wants to come see me someday. I certainly hope he will <3

[BaD dAy]

I'm having a rather BAD DAY. SO I woke up totally sore from palying entirely too much Dance Dance Revolution yesterday [I just got it and became rather addicted]. I could hardly get out of bed.. and my finger is gashed open from making hair bows... don't ask how I cut it. It's really lame..

Then I got on the bus and Robert is like, "I've realized that you're a senior and you're leaving this school after this year, so I think we shouldn't hang out as much anymore..." STAB FREAKIN STAB STAB!! It hurt really bad. I almost cried so instead I ignored him and blew my eardrums out listening to Senses Fail. It must have been really loud because all the people sitting around me kept looking at me..

Either it was the music or my awesome pink hairbow that makes me look like a child lolz

I got the COOLEST Jeffree Star shirt ever this weekend...

actually I'll show you....

That's it. [and you should already realize that that isn't me in the pic] I LOVE THAT SHIRT!!

Well, off I go to have an AMAZINGLY BAD DAY and think of my stupid friend T___T